(Original post date: 10/01/09)
Last Thursday, September 24th , after the implantation of a port and news of another surgery, I was moving in a bit of a fog. I came home to hear that my Facebook persona had been robbed at gunpoint in London and was desperately looking for someone to wire money to me… er… her or him. Fortunately Will’s teacher knew that I was actually in Boston that day. (The experience my Facebook persona had in London had some similarities to my personal experience in Boston that day…) And the other friend in London who had chatted with my Facebook persona thought the cuss words were a little out of the ordinary for me. My Facebook account had been hacked. I’m now deactivated… and that’s OK.
Facebook was great to reconnect and get a quick view into people’s lives, but I rarely tried to communicate with others on it. I’m too wordy for Facebook. Too conversational. I do better on the phone or in person: I need more than typed tweets to "chat." I relentlessly try to read or to guess emotions behind the electronic words – and that’s exhausting. With a voice and a live being, there is far less guessing. So Facebook was a short but fascinating blip.
My Ode to Facebook: I’m republishing here "25 Random Thoughts" I wrote for Facebook before I was diagnosed with breast cancer and well before my Facebook persona was mugged in London.
Written in May or June 2009….
1. I function best on eight hours of sleep and last night I got four hours in; this could make for an interesting list of randomness…
2. I have two sons, both adopted from Korea; I have one husband, an immigrant from Britain; I grew up in Iowa.
3. I am a full-time mother. I don’t stay at home very often.
4. I don’t think I’ll ever be a true soccer mom – much to Will’s chagrin: “No one else’s mom forgets the ball!”
5. We fly Korean, British and American flags at our house.
6. Regardless of major life changes, I relish in the fact that wherever I am, for ease of removal, I can always find the two pickles underneath the top all-beef patty in the Big Mac. Some consistency in life is good.
7. The powerhouse moms in my daily life are truly remarkable: you make me laugh and you keep me sane.
8. I like spontaneity but need it balanced by consistency (see #6).
9. I love hearing Will say, “Mom, you are so funny!” I want to reply, “Am I funnier than Daddy?” but don’t, probably because I know the answer!
10. I love being married to a man with a great sense of humor – OK, after 20 years some of the jokes need a little reworking, but I’ll take him just the way he is!
11. Being a mom to two boys is awesome! We’re into the bug, worm & slug phase, with no fear of picking them up.
12. My first job was pulling volunteer corn out of bean fields.
13. I’ve milked cows by hand and my parents live on a gravel road, and yes, they have plumbing.
14. I get a thrill out of writing. I get a pain out of trying to write to perfection.
15. I find the little things in life to be the most joyful, the most humorous, and the most overlooked.
16. I’ve been lucky to travel a lot in my life; I regret no expense paid for what I’ve seen in the world.
17. I really regret buying the three shirts with tags still attached that have been sitting in my closet for over a month.
18. I do not like returning things I’ve bought nor do I like shopping in general. Artisan shops, book stores and kitchen stores are a different story, especially if lunch with a friend is included.
19. I have the local pediatric hospital programmed as a favorite in our GPS. Liam has always been gutsy and Will is learning from his little brother..
20. Fact: Getting hit in the face with a golf club, twice in one day, does not always cause great injury, as proven by Liam (somewhat new to the game) and Will (the casual observer). Lesson learned: People are pretty resilient.
21. I love to cook but I’m not thrilled about making mac’n’cheese 10 times a week.
22. I feel blessed to have a caring family and to have networks of good friends near and far.
23. I feel blessed to have a dishwasher – even though it is relentless and very needy.
24. Will loves me all the way to “God’s house.” And still wants specifics on exactly WHERE that is.
25. My goal: to live confidently in the here and now; to visit the past only very occasionally; to glance forward to the future in quiet anticipation.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Benign Spot
(Original post date:9/30/09)
The good thing about MRI's: they pick up everything. The bad thing about MRI's: they pick up everything.
Fortunately, my "new" spot that was picked up on last Wednesday's MRI, that was looked at thoroughly on Thursday's ultrasound, and that was whisked away during Friday's surgery was benign -- no cancer. Probably just post-operative tissue acting out and getting caught on tape.
Now, we're once again entering the on-ramp toward the chemo interstate. Bill and I will meet with my oncologist at MGH Friday for a consult. After that, I assume we'll have a new tentative start date for chemo.
Linda
The good thing about MRI's: they pick up everything. The bad thing about MRI's: they pick up everything.
Fortunately, my "new" spot that was picked up on last Wednesday's MRI, that was looked at thoroughly on Thursday's ultrasound, and that was whisked away during Friday's surgery was benign -- no cancer. Probably just post-operative tissue acting out and getting caught on tape.
Now, we're once again entering the on-ramp toward the chemo interstate. Bill and I will meet with my oncologist at MGH Friday for a consult. After that, I assume we'll have a new tentative start date for chemo.
Linda
3rd Surgery
(Original post date: 9/25/09)
5:30 p.m. and I'm home from the hospital. All went well. I'm a little sorer this time than the previous two. I'll have results next week some time. I had a port implanted yesterday so I look a little like a warrior! ;)
Bill fixed me up with 7Up and Campbell's soup then went to pick up Will & Liam from a friend's house where they had a play date this afternoon after school.
We'll probably be lying low this weekend... Sunday is Liam's "Forever Family Day" -- we brought him home from Korea three years ago!
Linda
5:30 p.m. and I'm home from the hospital. All went well. I'm a little sorer this time than the previous two. I'll have results next week some time. I had a port implanted yesterday so I look a little like a warrior! ;)
Bill fixed me up with 7Up and Campbell's soup then went to pick up Will & Liam from a friend's house where they had a play date this afternoon after school.
We'll probably be lying low this weekend... Sunday is Liam's "Forever Family Day" -- we brought him home from Korea three years ago!
Linda
Another Surgery Scheduled
(Original post date:9/24/09)
I'm having another surgery tomorrow... unsure about chemo schedule at this point...
I'm having another surgery tomorrow... unsure about chemo schedule at this point...
Plan: a nice quiet Friday night
(Original post date: 9/20/09)
... and now: the reality of Friday night:
4:00 p.m.
Liam, lying flat on his back in our pebble pit under the swings: "Mom, I'm a seal!"
Me: "Oh..."
4:15 p.m.
Liam, calling out from under the climbing wall: "Mom, can you get this out?"
Me, used to having to remove big buggers: "What is it? Do you need a Kleenex?"
Liam: "It's a rock bugger."
Me: "Really?
Liam, with a big grin, nods his head.
Me: "Will, need your flashlight!"
Me, after confirming rock bugger: "Why did you put a rock up your nose?"
Liam, with a big grin: "I'm a seal!"
Me, confused.
4:25
Me, after being unable to find a small crochet hook: "OK, everyone in the car!"
Will: "We're going to Dr. Mueller's for a lollipop!"
Me: "No, Dr. Mueller is gone for the day. We're going to the hospital to have the rock removed from Liam's nose."
Liam: "I want to go see Dr. Mueller!"
Me: "Sorry honey we're going the emergency room and Dr. Mueller will not be there, neither will her lollipops."
4:30
On the way to the hospital, following the directions on the GPS. I had pre-programmed the hospital as a favorite a few months ago.
A sampling of Will & Liam's chat, while I'm trying to control a big case of giggles in the front seat, listening to this exhange:
Will: "So, Liam, why did you put a rock up your nose?"
Liam: "I'm a seal."
Will: "I put a peanut up my nose one time, but Mom got it out. I didn't have to go to the hospital."
Liam: "Do you have a peanut up your nose now, Will?"
Will: "No, I never did that again. And you shouldn't put a rock up your nose again, Liam."
Liam: "Oh."
4:45
Arrive at ER. On a scale of 1 - 5, 1 being trauma, we are judged as a 4. (Liam was quite normal, breathing just fine.) Watched Nemo 1 1/2 times in the children's waiting area, Purelling like mad.
6:30 p.m. Bill rescues Will from the boredom and takes him home for dinner.
7:20
Nurse,in the exam room: "Liam, why are you here?"
Liam, suffering post-traumatic stress from the flu shot earlier in the week: "Don't hurt me! No band-aids!"
Nurse exits.
7:25
Me, with a sudden thought: "Liam, there is just one rock in your nose, right?"
Liam, looking at me out of the corners of his eyes: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Mom!"
Me: "Liam, how many really? Just one?"
Liam, with that grin of his: "Two Mom."
Me: "REALLY?"
Liam, nods and holds two fingers up.
7:30
Liam, finding the call button: "What's this Mom?"
Me: "That's how you call the nurse."
Liam, talks into the call button: "I need a nurse... I said, I need a nurse!... Did it work Mom?"
Me, hardly able to control myself at this point: "I don't know. Maybe you need to call the doctor."
Liam,again talking into the call button: "Doctor, I need a nurse!"
7:35
Doctor: "Liam, what happened?"
Liam: "I put a rock in my nose."
Doctor: "Why did you do that?"
Liam: "I'm a seal."
Me: "When he was a dog last spring, I did the Heimlich maneuver to get the rocks out of his throat."
Doctor: "Ohhhh.... this procedure should be less traumatic. Let's have a look Liam."
Liam obediently tipped his head back.
Doctor: "Liam, you have a rock in your nose."
Liam proudly nodded.
7:40
Liam, with his Superman cape on, (a very clever straight-jacket of sorts: pillowcase behind him with both arms inside so that when he was on the bed he couldn't move his arms)
Doctor, starting procedure: "You're doing great Liam. We're going to take that rock out now."
After a little work with the big tweezers, and a little yelling from Liam, a rock came out. (I wouldn't have gotten it with my crochet hook.)
Doctor, taking his head light off: "It's out Liam."
Me: "I think you should take another look, just to make sure there aren't two."
Doctor, putting his light back on: "Oh yeah, that's right."
Liam, hearing me and seeing the light come back on, "There's only one,Mom! MOM, THERE'S ONLY ONE!"
Doctor, taking his head light off: "You're right, Liam. Only one."
8:00
...back home, finally, the beginning of a nice quiet Friday night
... and now: the reality of Friday night:
4:00 p.m.
Liam, lying flat on his back in our pebble pit under the swings: "Mom, I'm a seal!"
Me: "Oh..."
4:15 p.m.
Liam, calling out from under the climbing wall: "Mom, can you get this out?"
Me, used to having to remove big buggers: "What is it? Do you need a Kleenex?"
Liam: "It's a rock bugger."
Me: "Really?
Liam, with a big grin, nods his head.
Me: "Will, need your flashlight!"
Me, after confirming rock bugger: "Why did you put a rock up your nose?"
Liam, with a big grin: "I'm a seal!"
Me, confused.
4:25
Me, after being unable to find a small crochet hook: "OK, everyone in the car!"
Will: "We're going to Dr. Mueller's for a lollipop!"
Me: "No, Dr. Mueller is gone for the day. We're going to the hospital to have the rock removed from Liam's nose."
Liam: "I want to go see Dr. Mueller!"
Me: "Sorry honey we're going the emergency room and Dr. Mueller will not be there, neither will her lollipops."
4:30
On the way to the hospital, following the directions on the GPS. I had pre-programmed the hospital as a favorite a few months ago.
A sampling of Will & Liam's chat, while I'm trying to control a big case of giggles in the front seat, listening to this exhange:
Will: "So, Liam, why did you put a rock up your nose?"
Liam: "I'm a seal."
Will: "I put a peanut up my nose one time, but Mom got it out. I didn't have to go to the hospital."
Liam: "Do you have a peanut up your nose now, Will?"
Will: "No, I never did that again. And you shouldn't put a rock up your nose again, Liam."
Liam: "Oh."
4:45
Arrive at ER. On a scale of 1 - 5, 1 being trauma, we are judged as a 4. (Liam was quite normal, breathing just fine.) Watched Nemo 1 1/2 times in the children's waiting area, Purelling like mad.
6:30 p.m. Bill rescues Will from the boredom and takes him home for dinner.
7:20
Nurse,in the exam room: "Liam, why are you here?"
Liam, suffering post-traumatic stress from the flu shot earlier in the week: "Don't hurt me! No band-aids!"
Nurse exits.
7:25
Me, with a sudden thought: "Liam, there is just one rock in your nose, right?"
Liam, looking at me out of the corners of his eyes: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Mom!"
Me: "Liam, how many really? Just one?"
Liam, with that grin of his: "Two Mom."
Me: "REALLY?"
Liam, nods and holds two fingers up.
7:30
Liam, finding the call button: "What's this Mom?"
Me: "That's how you call the nurse."
Liam, talks into the call button: "I need a nurse... I said, I need a nurse!... Did it work Mom?"
Me, hardly able to control myself at this point: "I don't know. Maybe you need to call the doctor."
Liam,again talking into the call button: "Doctor, I need a nurse!"
7:35
Doctor: "Liam, what happened?"
Liam: "I put a rock in my nose."
Doctor: "Why did you do that?"
Liam: "I'm a seal."
Me: "When he was a dog last spring, I did the Heimlich maneuver to get the rocks out of his throat."
Doctor: "Ohhhh.... this procedure should be less traumatic. Let's have a look Liam."
Liam obediently tipped his head back.
Doctor: "Liam, you have a rock in your nose."
Liam proudly nodded.
7:40
Liam, with his Superman cape on, (a very clever straight-jacket of sorts: pillowcase behind him with both arms inside so that when he was on the bed he couldn't move his arms)
Doctor, starting procedure: "You're doing great Liam. We're going to take that rock out now."
After a little work with the big tweezers, and a little yelling from Liam, a rock came out. (I wouldn't have gotten it with my crochet hook.)
Doctor, taking his head light off: "It's out Liam."
Me: "I think you should take another look, just to make sure there aren't two."
Doctor, putting his light back on: "Oh yeah, that's right."
Liam, hearing me and seeing the light come back on, "There's only one,Mom! MOM, THERE'S ONLY ONE!"
Doctor, taking his head light off: "You're right, Liam. Only one."
8:00
...back home, finally, the beginning of a nice quiet Friday night
Weather in Iowa and Angels on a Pin Head
(Original post date: 9/18/09)
This journey is much like the weather in Iowa: wait five minutes and it will change! Consequently, with each decision made, I'm waiting about four days to see if the plan stays in place before I share any "news." (My method reminds me of the delay television stations have in case something needs to be bleeped out.)
For instance, my lymph node (the only one which was cancerous) didn't actually "burst" -- there was a tiny, tiny leak. And yes it took a while to get to this conclusion. Although I won't start radiation until after chemo, I had a consult with my radiation doctor on Friday. He assured me that there would be no direct radiation to that site under my arm, only to the breast itself. Ahhhh....
The radiation doctor also left me with this great visual: I'm pretty much cancer free right now. According to him, to count the cancer cells in my body would be like "counting the angels dancing on a pinhead." And THAT -- regardless of what any other medical professional will say on this journey -- is the vision I'm allowing to dance in my head!
:)
Linda
This journey is much like the weather in Iowa: wait five minutes and it will change! Consequently, with each decision made, I'm waiting about four days to see if the plan stays in place before I share any "news." (My method reminds me of the delay television stations have in case something needs to be bleeped out.)
For instance, my lymph node (the only one which was cancerous) didn't actually "burst" -- there was a tiny, tiny leak. And yes it took a while to get to this conclusion. Although I won't start radiation until after chemo, I had a consult with my radiation doctor on Friday. He assured me that there would be no direct radiation to that site under my arm, only to the breast itself. Ahhhh....
The radiation doctor also left me with this great visual: I'm pretty much cancer free right now. According to him, to count the cancer cells in my body would be like "counting the angels dancing on a pinhead." And THAT -- regardless of what any other medical professional will say on this journey -- is the vision I'm allowing to dance in my head!
:)
Linda
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Plan as of 9/17/09
(Original post date: 9/17/09)
I went to Mass. General Hospital (MGH) Monday the 14th, and have decided to have chemo under the oncologist I met there.
As it stands today, I will start chemo Friday, October 2nd. The treatment period will be 20 weeks. The first four treatments will be every other week, and the remainder will be weekly.
I will be participating in one trial, hopefully another if the studies will allow we to do both at the same time.
I have two days planned at MGH next week for tests.
Linda
I went to Mass. General Hospital (MGH) Monday the 14th, and have decided to have chemo under the oncologist I met there.
As it stands today, I will start chemo Friday, October 2nd. The treatment period will be 20 weeks. The first four treatments will be every other week, and the remainder will be weekly.
I will be participating in one trial, hopefully another if the studies will allow we to do both at the same time.
I have two days planned at MGH next week for tests.
Linda
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